CAUGHT, NOT TAUGHT

Technical competence without character produces knowledgeable but ineffective individuals. Natural talent without formal development creates gifted people who never reach their full potential. Both failures stem from the same misunderstanding: treating all learning as if it operates in the same way.

Some things can be taught through instruction, study, and formal education, while others can only be absorbed by spending time with people who embody them. Confusing these two approaches leaves you either highly qualified but lacking presence, or naturally capable yet limited in scope.

The Learning Framework

Skills encompass technical knowledge and specific competencies that can be broken down and systematically taught. Accounting principles, programming languages, and analytical frameworks fall into this category. Formal education effectively addresses this type of learning.

Qualities include character, judgement, presence, work ethic, and leadership instincts. These develop through observation and experience rather than formal instruction. No textbook can teach you how to carry yourself with quiet authority or make sound decisions under pressure.

Understanding this prevents the common mistake of expecting classroom learning to develop character or assuming that merely spending time with capable people will automatically transfer technical skills.

What Is Absorbed

Character and work ethic represent the most important qualities that can only be acquired. Excellence becomes your standard when you consistently observe how capable people approach their work. Their relationship with time, quality, and effort is transferred through repeated exposure.

Capable individuals handle setbacks differently. They prepare more thoroughly and pay attention to details that others often overlook. These habits develop from observing people who consistently maintain high standards in their daily work.

Judgement develops through spending time with those who consistently make sound decisions. Learning to gauge timing, assess risks, and concentrate on what matters most requires observing these skills in action.

Presence and influence involve the most subtle forms of absorption. The qualities that compel others to listen and follow arise from observing how confident individuals communicate, respond to challenges, and naturally earn respect.

Finding Better Influences

Notice whose behaviour you admire and seek opportunities to spend more time with them. Focus on results and character rather than credentials or titles.

When choosing between similar opportunities, select the one with better people. This might mean joining the sports club where players take training seriously, choosing the gym where people exercise properly, or volunteering for organisations run by competent individuals.

Consider your work environment whenever possible. If you are job hunting, pay close attention to the calibre of the people you would be working alongside. Especially early in your career, learning from capable colleagues often matters more than an immediate salary.

Geography also plays a role. Certain cities and industries naturally attract higher concentrations of talented individuals. If you have flexibility, consider where the most skilled people in your field actually work.

What Still Requires Formal Education

Technical competence requires systematic instruction. Being around capable individuals without foundational knowledge limits what you can absorb. Fields such as engineering, medicine, and complex analytical disciplines demand structured learning that observation alone cannot provide.

Do not use proximity learning as an excuse to forgo essential formal development. The most effective approach combines both methods when appropriate.

Making Changes

Begin by recognising your current influences. Who do you spend significant time with? What qualities are you unconsciously adopting? Your environment shapes you, whether you intend it or not.

Make small, deliberate changes whenever possible. Choose work situations that place you near people you respect. Seek out activities where capable individuals gather. Minimise time spent with people whose standards you do not wish to absorb.

Seek mentors who exemplify both competence and character. These could be senior colleagues, coaches, or community leaders. Concentrate on learning from their decision-making approach, not solely their technical expertise.

If you are a father, remember that your children absorb your actual standards, not merely the ones you state. Model the qualities you wish them to develop. Whenever possible, expose them to other excellent examples as well.

What to Avoid

Do not be impressed by wealth or status without character. Some people merely perform excellence rather than embody it. Look for consistency between their public and private behaviour.

Avoid passive absorption. Spending time around capable people will not help you develop unless you pay close attention. Observe what makes them effective, then try to implement what you have noticed.

Do not neglect formal education while engaging in proximity learning. Certain knowledge necessitates systematic study, regardless of the company you keep.

Getting Started

Choose one quality you would like to develop that requires learning by example. This might be discipline, better judgement, or professional presence.

Notice if anyone in your current environment exemplifies this quality well. If not, consider where you might find such individuals through professional associations, sports clubs, volunteer organisations, or evening classes.

Seek out an opportunity this month to spend time with someone whose approach you admire. This could involve offering assistance, asking insightful questions, or participating in activities in which they are involved.

Over time, observe how your personal standards and habits evolve. Minor adjustments to your environment and social circles can lead to significant improvements without necessitating drastic life changes.

Both Types Are Important

Complete development benefits from both formal learning and absorbed excellence. Technical skills provide the foundation for competence, while absorbed qualities shape the character that makes this competence valuable to others.

Understanding what can be taught versus what must be caught prevents the frustration of attempting to learn character from textbooks or expecting mere proximity to transfer technical skills. Each approach is most effective for different purposes.

The goal is not to become someone you are not, but to cultivate the best version of yourself through deliberate choices about what you learn and from whom.

Richard Morrissey